I’ve always been Hindu by birth, but I’d be lying if I called myself a strict practitioner. I eat meat, I enjoy an occasional drink, and my daily prayer routine is practically non-existent. Most of my Muslim friends find grounding in a beautifully structured, daily prayer routine, but I don’t have a set schedule for God.
Unlike what is shown in some movies, my relationship with him isn’t transactional either; I don’t try to bargain or offer things in exchange for blessings. It’s just… sporadic (occurs randomly). I especially tend to reach out when the weight of life feels too heavy to carry alone, or when I’m struck by a sudden burst of gratitude. In between those peaks and valleys, on normal days, God fades into the background of my regular life.
Yet, despite my inconsistencies, I find myself deeply drawn to the Bhagavad Gita, a religious Hindu book. Its teachings on rebirth, karma, detachment, and the complexities of the human condition resonate with me on a profound level. One framework, in particular, constantly occupies my thoughts: Krishna’s explanation of the three Guna, the fundamental qualities that govern human nature.
He breaks our internal states down into three categories:
- Sattva: The state of clarity, calmness, and purity. It is the peace obtained by eating fresh, light foods, meditating, and moving through the world with unshakeable kindness.
- Rajas: The state of passion, restlessness, and ambition. It is the late-night grind, the craving for spicy food, the drive for success, and the quick temper, as an example.
- Tamas: The state of laziness and darkness. For instance, it is the heavy meals, the days lost to oversleeping, and the heavy cloud of feeling depressed or unmotivated.
Krishna explains that every action in this life arises from these three qualities we all have within ourselves. He advises us to cultivate Sattva and reduce Tamas as much as possible. But honestly, whenever I remember that, I feel guilty. I look at my own life, the stress, the endless striving, the exhaustion, and realize I am miles away from that Sattvic ideal.
Deep down, I really want the peace that comes with true faith. I want to feel connected to something bigger. But I’m also scared that if I force myself to follow every single rule, give up the foods I like, and act like a monk right now, it won’t be real. If I force myself to follow every rule, it won’t be a genuine awakening. I would just be acting, trying to hide an empty feeling inside. Simply, it will be just performative.
But recently, a different perspective struck me.
When Krishna delivered these profound, life-altering truths to Arjuna, he didn’t do it in a quiet ashram or a pristine mountaintop temple. He did it on the battlefield of Kurukshetra. He spoke to Arjuna when Arjuna was completely confused, broken, and scared of what to do next.
Krishna didn’t tell his friend to go meditate for a decade, clean up his diet, and become a perfect person before they could speak. He met him right in the middle of the chaos.
Maybe that is the exact lesson I’ve been missing. You don’t have to become a flawless, Sattvic version of yourself before you are allowed to seek God. You don’t have to wait until you have it all figured out to start the conversation. You can begin from exactly where you are right now.
I am still figuring things out. I am not highly religious, but I am not an atheist either. I am just a guy trying to find some real meaning without pretending to be someone I’m not. And for now, I think that has to be okay.
So far, my conclusion is that it all comes down to personal choice and what brings genuine satisfaction to your life. For example, my choosing to adopt the ideas of karma while ignoring the advice on eating is, admittedly, my own biased choice. But to me, the real teaching of any religion isn’t about following a strict diet; it’s about becoming a moral person. It’s about being a kind human being who spreads love.
You can choose whatever teachings you find meaningful, adopt them, and march ahead. That’s the beauty of life: choice.
What do you guys think? Have any of you ever felt stuck somewhere between believing and doubting like this?